Jake and His Dreams

I have been having some strange dreams about having children, lately.  I will share two of the three that I had.  If you're wondering why I'm not sharing the 3rd, it's simply because I don't remember it.  I do remember, however, that it was along the same line as these two, and it involved Sherika. Anyway, story #1:

Jenny and Dave have a little girl and they didn't have any trouble getting pregnant with her.  They felt bad for us thinking that we wouldn't be able to have any children of our own, so Jenny promised me that she would give us their next child.  Well, Jen got pregnant with her second kid.  Shantell and I were pretty excited and we awaited the day that Jenny would give birth and give us our first child.  After 9 months, Jenny had her baby.

Later, Jen and I were walking in a park and she was crying.  She decided that she didn't want to give up her baby and that she wanted it for herself.  I calmly explained to Jenny that she made a promise and that the baby was ours.  I just remember that we kept going back and forth and I was doing my best to help Jenny understand that this child was not hers to keep :).

The second dream involved Tony and Dusti Evans.

I was talking to Toni Evans one day and she was explaining to me that Dusti had a child a few years back out of wedlock and that she didn't want to keep it.  Toni was forced to take the baby and raise it, even though she was well past what she considered to be her child-raising years.

Then she confided in me telling me that she found out that Dusti was pregnant again.  Dusti's husband was a decent guy (didn't smoke or do drugs) and that Dusti never did, either.  She knew that Dusti didn't want this baby, either, and that Toni would have to raise this one as well.

I got excited and told Toni that Shantell and I were thinking about adopting, but were afraid of getting a crack-baby, etc, and that we would be so happy to adopt this child so that she would not have to take care of it.  Toni was grateful and Shantell and I were ecstatic.

It's kind of hard to say that a dream is random when you start having as many as I've had along the same theme.

Fertility Update

Jake and I decided we needed to get more aggressive on the fertility front. So this month in conjunction with clomid, I will be injecting follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) on day 7 and 9. This will make me produce more than one egg and is supposed to make the eggs a bigger better quality.

I was so nervous to give myself a shot. Jake was really supportive and helped me feel better about it. He even offered to give me the shot even though he doesn't like needles. In the end it ended up being easier for me to give myself the shot. Jacob gave me a big hug from behind and I stuck the needle in my belly. It really didn't turn out that bad. The needle is small and short and doesn't hurt that much. It is just so weird to watch myself put it inside me.

On day 10, I went in for an ultra sound and the Dr. looked at the eggs to see how many of them there was and to see if they were ready to be fertilized. I am so glad to now be doing ultra sounds. It takes all of the guess work out of knowing whether we timed the artificial insemination right. It also creates more confidence that things are working when you can look at the screen and see the eggs.

I had 3 eggs that were a good size and ready. That night at 12:30 am I had to inject a shot of HCG. This is neccessary because we confused my body by taking the FSH. The HCG will force the eggs to get released and be ready and waiting for the sperm during IUI (artificial insemination).

Even though, we are taking a more aggressive route, Jacob and I are still doubtful that it will work. We have been waiting so long that it just seems like we won't ever get pregnant. I don't really think we will never have children, but I will definitely be surprised and grateful when it does happen.

Anyhow, we both think we will probably have to do invitro. The scary thing about invitro, besides the cost, is the toll it takes on your body. It is so stringent everything you have to do just to prep your body for invitro. I have heard the shot I have to inject myself with on invitro hurts like h*%& and it has to go in the bum.

Our game plan is to do the less expensive FSH injections 3 more cycles then if I am still not pregnant we will start invitro.